Lessons from the Lamp Post: Lesson 353: Don't Hold Your Breath

It's a Good Friday, Readers.

Welcome back to the Lamp Post.

Eloise and family just returned to the light of the soft glow.

(Yes, that snow was just a few days ago....)

We spent a couple of days splashing around at

It's late, and I've given myself just an hour to write this blog,

so I'll give you as brief as a synopsis as I can.

But Don't Hold Your Breath.

Eloise is a Wordy Girl.

There are 13 Great Wolf Lodges in the US.

One of them happens to be in Erie County.

Erie County, Ohio, that is.

It's about 3 hours west of the Lamp Post,

in Sandusky, Ohio, along the shores of Lake Erie.

I will give The Great Wolf Lodge a 5 star rating.

They started us off right by giving us these wolf ears at check-in.

The rooms are really cool.

The water park is perfect for kids.

There are two larger tube slides,

a lazy river,

(or a lazy lizard, as Natalie calls it)

a basketball pool,

and one of those lovely buckets that dump water at the clang of a bell.

Just like Pavlov's dog, Sam came a-running at the sound.

Although this blog is titled Don't Hold Your Breath,

I would recommend holding your breath for this blast.

Here's what it looks like from underneath.

The Great Wolf Lodge touts 33,000 square feet of water fun.

The kids had a blast for two days.

Eloise highly recommends getting the extended pass to keep your room until 2:00.

It was only $50 extra for all six of us.
Way worth it for another half day of slides,

bucket dumps,

and pool selfies.

Jack, my nephew, can do a mean underwater headstand.

When Sam was asked to do a trick, he did this.

Upon surfacing he told the teens that he was underwater beatboxing.

Sam was really well behaved according to the Sam Scale--

which fluctuates a bit from the average kid.

I just had to remind him that hot tubs are supposed to be for relaxing,

not for snorkeling.

They had a really terrific arcade,

as far as Kid Arcades go.

This was Sam's favorite game.

He hit the jackpot on it!

There were really good restaurants,

gift shops,

and photo ops all around.

If you do have kids,

this is your place to go.

If you don't have children,

you'd jump over the balcony

and run through April snow barefoot to get out of Dodge.

After all, you find these as a guest perk for you in your hotel room.

It never hurts to read over company policy,

so Eloise took some time to read through the Great Wolf Lodge information notebook.

I brushed up on Ohio hotel laws--

the part about arson kind of got in my head.

Yes, I ran a fire drill with the kids---just in case.

The Water Park Information was very helpful,

especially this line.

I am going to ask some of my single friends to come along with us next time---

but I won't hold my breath for an affirmative response.

Even Mother Eloise made her way up to the slide tower with a tube.

Every time I do things like this I get to the top,

look down,

and remember I am not fond of heights,

or speed.

Keeping fears at bay needs constant monitoring,

and continued challenge.

At least Great Wolf Lodge had informative posters along the staircases

for guests to read at the pauses in line.

They helped keep my mind in the present.

Well,

kind of.

Um...Houston...we have a problem.

Cripes, if America can have a cotton candy day outside of the summer carnival season,

then I am going to petition the government for a National Lamp Post Appreciation Day.

Sarah Hale wrote to Lincoln to get Thanksgiving on the calendar.

Maybe I could do something similar.

Don't Hold Your Breath, though.

To prove to you that Eloise is not a chicken,
I took my Fuji waterproof camera along on the tube ride.

If the lifeguards noticed the bump in my swimsuit,

they probably thought it was an insulin pump.

I got a great video, too, but I couldn't get it to load on this blog.

You know those feet could only belong to me.

See--no foolin'!

But was I foolin' on April Fool's Day?

So many of you have inquired in roundabout ways.

This was my April 1st facebook post:

Eloise is flying solo this year. 38 days.

I figured April Fool's Day would be perfect for the big reveal. I've been thinking about it ever since I met Devin in the highway rest stop on the road to Tough Mudder Buffalo.

I was the only one who couldn't do it last year, feel the need to prove myself in colder conditions, old fears are creeping back in, and I need electroshock to kill them, Mudder is an easier route for that treatment than the mental ward

Check the teams. I'm registered under Charley Lindbergh. Wanted to do Amelia Earhart, but she had a navigator, Fred Noonan. Too bad for Fred though. I think Amelia ended up eating him on a remote island off of Kirbati. Chose the female form of Charles Lindberg because he flew non-stop solo across the Atlantic in 1927---and also because his nickname was Slim.

So---truth, or were you fooled?

Jen said: April Fool's

Jen Kelly's photo.