Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Lesson 5: First day of school feeling never goes away

No matter how old I get or how many years I teach, the feeling is still the same.  The jitters start the night before, creeping from the belly of your body up to your palpitating heart.  The newness is exhilarating--fear and excitement all rolled into one. 

For anyone who is a teacher, read the following rewrite of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst.  I picked this up at a HC inservice a couple of years ago and kept it.  It is one of my very favorites:
Alexis and the Miserable, Horrendous, Repugnant, Impossible Day

I went to bed angry at my husband and this morning when I woke up, he had left me.  He'd taken the toothpaste and the alarm clock with him so I woke up late, my teeth were grungy, I got a speeding ticket on my way to work which made me miss bus duty.  My principal was not pleased.  I could tell it was going to be a miserable, horrendous, repugnant, impossible day.

During my planning period, the office collared me to do a head lice check.  I had barely enough time for a restroom trip when my son's parole officer called wondering why he'd missed his appointment for the third time.  I think I'll move to Tahiti.

In math class, Betty forgot how to subtract tens, Larry and Billy were passing around a Hustler magazine, and Jane poured my coffee on the guinea pig.  I could tell it was going to be a miserable, horrendous, repugnant, impossible day.

At lunch in the faculty room, the microwave petrified my hot dog, the pop machine game me root beer instead of Pepsi, the table was dirty, and the fire alarm was set off by one of my students.  I wondered if they have recess duty in Tahiti.  I could tell it was going to be a miserable, horrendous, repugnant, impossible day.

I could tell because during my afternoon observation, Joey ate his eraser, Amanda stole the principal's wallet, and the guinea pig gave birth and died.  The principal's evaluation said I needed improvement in discipline and following my lesson plans.  I hope you choke, I said to Joey.  I hope Amanda gets arrested.  I hope the dead guinea pig shows up in the principal's lunch tomorrow.  After next payday, I'm going to Tahiti.

At the end of the day, Sam threw up in the doorway, the custodian asked if I'd filled out a requisition for clean up, and my desk drawer jammed.  My car keys were in it.  So were my tranquilizers.  "I am having a miserable, horrendous, repugnant, impossible day!"  I yelled.  No one even heard me.

So I sledge hammered the desk, found my keys, took a tranquilizer, and jumped over the mess at the doorway.  Except I didn't jump far enough.  There were kids laughing at me in the hallway and I hate kids.  There ws a dead battery in my car and I hate dead batteries.  This wouldn't happen in Tahiti.

May AAA card had expiere, I was $2.00 short for the taxi ride home, my house had been vandalized, and I had to wear my husband's hip boots to unclog the plumbing.  I hate my husband's hip boots.  I hate my husband. 

I called my attorney who charged me $100.00 just for asking one question.  It has been a miserable, horrendous, repugnant, impossible day.  My attorney said some days are like that--even in Tahiti.

adult version authored by Judy, Pat, and Kathy
Story told by Dr. Rasinski--Kent State

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