Thursday, July 25, 2013

Lesson 249: I'll Give You a Hand

Give me a hand, Readers!

Eloise is about to shuffle off to Buffalo with some friends for a challenge to test my new found bravery.

I am making darn sure my teammates all recite this pledge before the start.

Before I skedaddle, though, I am going to bravely do some finger pointing.
Then I'll skip town.
How's that for brave?

Fionnula, it is time.

It's time to call you out.  I'm zeroing in.  I've think I've located you.

You should understand time and location, after all.  You did a fine job playing Eloise Hawking, keeper of the Lamp Post Dharma Station in the TV series LOST.  The character Eloise had the ability to find The Island in space and time with this big, giant pendulum:.

It was in the basement of a church in Los Angles.

  That's a pretty important job.  Almost as important as making my summer extra fun and exciting.  It was a thrill finding a message from you in my mailbox. 
(Yes, Sam bent the flag.........) 

Now I could come right out and name names, but what fun would that be?  Let's take a ride on Eloise's freight train brain.  Go purchase a ticket, grab your favorite drink (probably many of my readers say they read my blog in the morning while drinking a cup of coffee......I know it's true because this former addict can smell it through the screen), and hop on board.

Here are the direct clues Fionnula has given in her writing.  These are the six pack of facts that I am operating from.  They are:

  1. Fionnula is not a LOST fan.
  2. Fionnula is not retired.
  3. Fionnula is not a writer.
  4. Fionnula has one or more children.
  5. Fionnula is familiar with the first names of my family members.
  6. Fionnula has pointed to me to blog #217 on several occasions & is linked to it.

Most of you were eliminated from The List because of these reasons.  Some of you have flat out told me in spoken words or written to remove you from the list of suspects.  Although it pains me greatly, I must remove some top suspects:
  • Stacey the Fitness Addict
  • Cousin Bonnie
  • Brenda my boss
  • Jan the artist
  • Kathy the Support Teacher
  • Deb the Librarian
  • Tracy Northern
I will assume that your words are true and good, and believe you would not lie to lead me astray.  You have been removed from The List officially today.

Others I have eliminated by specifics:
  1. These folks ARE LOST fans, therefore have been eliminated
  • Chuck the Businessman
  • Janet the Businesswoman
  • Robb the Runner
  • Grandma the Nut
  • Kenyan my Sister
  • Tracy Southern
2.  These lucky individuals are retired, therefore have been eliminated.  Yes, I am aware that some people like to twist meaning of the word retired, but I must take "retired" in its most literal sense.  They are:
  • Aunt Jeanne
  • Aunt Joby
  • Second Grade Judy
  • Second Grade Kathy
  • Second Grade Ann
3.  Fionnula Flanigan is not a writer.  Say bye bye to:
  • Heather from a Touch of Cass and Runner's Notes
  • Brianne from Bri's Adventures in Life
4.  Fionnula does not have children.
  • Leslie the Baker
  • Robb the Runner
  • Amy the Neighbor
5.  Fionnula is not familiar with the first names of my family (parents and sister--usually nicknamed on my blog)
  • Kristen the Environmentalist
  • Amy the Teacher
6.  Some of you were eliminated through my own assumptions, which could be false.  I made the decision to ax these people due to time constraints or distance/logistics conflicts.  They are:
  • Angie from Philly
  • Jimmi from Norfolk
  • Beth from Carolina
  • John and Lisa from North East
  • Dan & Laura Rhodes
  • Kira the Climber
  • Keri the Dancer
  • Donna my other boss
  • Kelly my other boss (Eloise needs several people to keep all this energy contained)
You gave me a hand for my bravery.  Now let me give you one.  
That's mulberry juice, not blood, in case you missed the last post.

I am accusing five individuals.  A whole hand's worth of suspects that fit the description of the one and only Fionnula Flanigan. They are:

Pointer Finger Position:
The Minion
(so named for her love of them)

This girl has a long history with my family, is witty, and loves to play games.

Middle Finger Position:
The Prize Fighter
(so named for kicking the the $h!t out of cancer)

This girl is creative and kind.  She would take the time to send what was intended to be a random act of kindness on Good Friday.  

Ring Finger Position:
The Teacher
(so named for ringing the school bell with me 9 months a year)

This girl is highly intelligent and clever.  She is a good connector and likes to read.  

The Pinky Position:
My Fake ID
(she pinky swore 20 plus years ago she wouldn't tell anyone)

This girl was was my fake ID in college.  (See the resemblance?--Just don't look at the eye color and think BIG HAIR).  This marked the beginning of Eloise's alter ego obsession.  I was born on July 22nd and lived in Bradford.  I also could fake a wicked good Bradford short a vowel sound.  She wrote a clever rhyme to post on her birthday this past week.  Clever enough to be Fionnula Flanigan?  We shall see.

The Thumb:
The Doctor
(so named because he is)

The thumb is key to the hand grip.  I'm going to need one of those climbing over walls on Saturday and could use his help.  Is the good doctor clever enough to try to fool Eloise?  Could he be ticked over the accusation.  We'll see if he let's go.   

Will the real Fionnula Flanigan please stand up?

I'd tell you all to wish me luck on my extreme obstacle course challenge on Saturday, but no luck is needed.  I doubt there even is such a thing as luck.  I am prepared as much as I can be at this point in my life.  Eloise is going to see for herself what all this hype is about.  You can bet my muddy patootie that I will give you a full report on the Lamp Post next week.

Enjoy the song, Mudders.  It is by Rodney Atkins, titled so appropriately If You're Going Through Hell.

Just keep movin', Everyone!

1 comment:

D Dski said...