Lesson 33: This Blog Just Upped It a Notch

A good story teller is always on the defensive.  Those with a God given way with words can tell a story in such a manner that the audience is on pins and needles with anticipation or laughing in hysterics.  But once in awhile, a story is so good the audience turns on the storyteller because the tale seems too good to be true.  A person wonders if parts are embellished like the folk tales of Paul Bunyan, or if it is flat out a load of crap.

I must admit that yes, this story is about a load of crap.  Unfortunately it is all true because it is yet another saga about the potty training of my three year old son Sam, who happens to be about the size of Paul Bunyan.  What makes this Sam story even better is that it is accompanied with sound--the true blue voice (and quick glimpse) of my baby boy.  This should prove to all of you what I have been going through every single day for months on end. 

Yep--you got it folks.  Eloise has her paws on a flip camera and is having a great deal of fun.  Today marked a momentous day in my history.  I made my first youtube video.  There are many benefits in being a teacher of youngsters.  One of which is they teach you how to do lots of cool things on the computer during the last five minutes of class. 

Those flip cameras really are a cinch.  Thank Santa Claus because a cute little pink one found its way under the Christmas tree for Ellen this year.  They really are as easy as they claim to be.  I plugged the above video into my computer tower with this handy little flippy-outy-thingy right on the camera which is the size as a pocket Kleenex pack.  The step by step directions that popped up on the screen walked me through the entire process, all the way to the doorstep of youtube.  Once I entered the youtube gates, I registered for an account and had the video uploaded in a matter of two minutes.  I forgot to give it a name, so until I figure out how to change it, Sam's potty video will remain named "Video 15."  Kind of sounds like the secretive "Area 51" out in Nevada, doesn't it?  That sounds about right since I am still trying to uncover the secret to his potty success.

About a week ago I was on my massive clean out after Christmas.  We had to find homes for all of our new Christmas toys and clothes.  My rule is that when something new comes in, something old must go out.  We are at capacity level in our house.  Unfortunately I told my brain the same thing years ago, and I have been suffering because of it.  Sorry if I forget your names every now and again.  I do get 100 plus new students each year. Something new in, something old out.

I hollered my usual phrase before I began the massive attack:  "IF IT IS NOT NAILED DOWN AND IT DOES NOT LOOK LIKE IT HAS BEEN USED OR LOVED IN THE LAST DAY IT IS OUTTA HERE!!!!!"  As I was snapping my big, black garbage bags to life and my daughters were running to scoop up everything near and dear to them in their arms, I happened to discover our first "camcorder" from about 12 years ago.  My parents bought it for us as a gift to record all the special moments and milestones of Natalie's life.  I was amazed that the size, weight, and expense of the contraption.  It is amazing how small everything is getting.  If technology keeps reducing in size and Americans keep getting larger in girth, we are going to look like the most ridiculous humans walking the earth.  Great big people talking on phones the size of postage stamps.

God knows what this will do to Sam someday.  Don't raise an eyebrow at me because I have considered the consequences.  But I know all my readers with teenagers and beyond have flashed that "bare butt lying on a blanket" picture around to the new boyfriend or girlfriend at least once.  Not only will Sam have the oral stories, photographs,  and have eternal life in blogosphere, but now video can accompany all of that.  I am hoping his counselors in Juvey can help him straighten that all out one day.  I mean no harm, my boy, but you are causing Eloise great grief. 

I tried to respect his privacy.  That is why I focused on Natalie's snowman near the bathroom door for most of the video clip.  Just hearing the sound of his protests builds the anticipation until you actually get a quick glimpse of Sam in action.  The only reason I did turn the corner to the bathroom was to show you all where he peeled off the wallpaper, but the paper is tan and I am not great with the camera yet, so it didn't focus as clearly as I would have liked it to.  Maybe someday you'll see the carnage.  I'll have to post that mess along with the shots of the living room carpet.  His blue crayola paint made a nice 20 foot trail on the carpet throughout the house.  Washable?  Yeah right.

This blog is not solely for your entertainment.  There is some knowledge to be gained here.  Maybe if an occasional bout of constipation hits you, you can remember Sam's rationalization.  I bet your "poop flew away out of your butt", too.  No need for over the counter remedies or a needless doctor visit.  It will fly back to you sooner or later. 

My first subject for the video just had to be Sam as he is so well known by my readers.  Maybe none of you are feeling safe right now knowing that I have this capability.  So consider this your fair warning to be on guard.  Eloise has a handheld video camera in reach.  Scary.  At least you know now that my nose isn't growing like Pinocchio.  Eloise speaks the truth, no matter how painful it is.  If you don't believe me about Sam--just watch the clip.  The proof after all, is in the pudding.  With Sam though, the truth is in the pooping.

Goodbye my readers.  I'm all pooped out for today.
Eloise