Saturday, July 26, 2014

Lesson 312: Come Get It

It's the weekend, Readers!
Seize it!

Eloise's topic for tonight is my Next Big Thing:
The Barber Beast on the Bay coming to my city on September 6th.
I'll discuss this tonight, as well as tell you about the power 
I possess to conquer the Beast
for the second year in a row.

The Barber Beast on the Bay is an adventure race in my hometown of Erie, PA.
Beast 2014 is really only Baby Beast--just its second birthday.
As of this writing, the event is 42 days away.

There is still time to register.
There is still time to train.
Basically, there is still time to join the party,
and a party is it going to be.

Join me on my team,
The Krauza's Krazies,

 currently under the training protocol of Captain Krazy himself,
Dr. Steven Krauza.

We're known for being a little out of the ordinary.

Beast Beach workouts are offered on Saturday mornings from 7:00-8:00 am.
Anyone is welcome.
Meet at the Stull Interpretive Center and prepare to get wet.
The cost of the workout is free, but a $5 donation to Barber National Institute is encouraged.

If this doesn't tickle your fancy, 
you can join my sister's team, The Beauties and the Beasts,
because they sure are fancy.

This team lives up to their name.
They are attractive athletes,
with lean bodies and hulking muscles, 
and are always speedy fast.

Team captain:  The Ever Beautiful Running Junkie, Kenyan.

Their training motto:

but in a nutshell, allow Eloise to summarize:

Basically, The Beast is a 10 mile obstacle course style race,
this year starting at Beach 11 and ending at Waldameer.

Throughout the course you will run along both beach and road,
and every so often encounter something that will challenge you.

You will either go under it,

go through it,

run up it,

climb over it,

or if you are too plumb tuckered out 
someone will be there to pull you through it.

As a parent and aunt of handicapped children, this race symbolizes my life:
Unexpected obstacles,

Yet, this race is a reminder that as in life,
even the toughest of storms are weathered best with a friend by your side.

And in the end,

when you get done,

the sense of accomplishment you have earned

 will be second to none.

The Barber Beast benefits the Barber National Institute and the money generated stays right here in Erie for programs used by Natalie, Erik, and countless others.

This special place helps children and adults with physical and mental challenges.

The 10-Mile course is a test for anyone,
however the best part of the event is the specially designed Adapted Course.

This year the Adapted Course runs from Beach 1 to the Stull Interpretive Center and back.
It is 1.2 miles long, with six obstacles.

The obstacles are achievable for both ambulatory and non ambulatory individuals.

Adapted Course Map

A registration for the Adapted Course is an affordable $25.
The athlete receives a t-shirt, a goodie bag, and gets a reward at the finish.
An athlete may bring a Buddy along for encouragement and guidance.
The Buddies complete the course free of charge and earn a special prize in the end as well.

 Photo courtesy of

For more information about the Adapted course CLICK HERE

So, what is it that fuels you, Eloise?
What brings you back to the Beast Hunt for a second year in a row?
(I heard you all ask this through my screen.)

For starters, it's my team.
We're an eclectic bunch of fitness enthusiasts,
from all walks of life and varying ability levels.

But we're a team just the same.
We start an event like this with a common goal--to finish and to finish strong,
each to his own personal best.

Teams for events such as this remind me of my son Sam's little league team.
Here they are, all lovers of baseball.
They are all in first grade.
Look at the difference in shape and size.

Sam and Tobias are the bookends--the biggest and beefiest of first graders.

No one wears the same size shoes.

Here is Blaine, who happens to be older than Sam.
A good reminder that athletes come in all shapes and sizes,
even the first grade variety.

North Coast Sanitation, aka the Toilet Team, won their end of season tournament.
Each gave his best and they finished strong in the end,
just like the expectations for The Beast.

The Team is just part of it though.
Rivalry is the second half of the secret formula.

See this?

It's my battle axe.
It's been in my family for centuries.
It's very old.
Ancient, actually.
It has super powers that can be shared with the rightful heir.

I inherited it because I am the oldest daughter.
My parents, now retired, are decluttering their home,
and gave it to me now instead of after the reading of the will.

And guess who wants it?
My sissy.

Kenyan is a highly decorated road runner,

There's no denying that.

I'm very proud of her for her Kenyanlike accomplishments.

So is my mother.

Kenyan is Mom's favorite.

That's understandable.

Babies of the family sometimes are.
And also because she's a bit of a baby herself.
She cries easily.

and is afraid of everything.



and snakes top the list.

Heck, even the serpent like Beast is giving her the willies.

That's why Kenyan wants my axe so bad.
It holds the secrets to power and strength,
and Kenyan desperately needs them to complete this challenge,
as do her teammates,
the beautiful runners.

 I sense Kenyan's nervousness.
My sibling vibeology is running red.

Kenyan has been running red, too.
This is her team Beach Training on Presque Isle last week.
That's me in the background taking hidden camera footage while spying on their workout.
My waterproof camera also takes video and was attached to my surf board.

Hidden cameras are tit for tat.
Kenyan is not as clever as me, although she tried.
She and her buddies landed their spy plane right in the middle of my workout last week.

The Beauties want to know our game,
but they want the axe more.

But we are not giving it up.

No way.

No how.

Sorry, Beauties.
You have to get through us to get to it.

What does Eloise do?
I'm in quite a pickle.

My only sibling is trying to get friendly with my team

to get what she wants.
Kenyan is the type of person to always get what she wants.

In fact, here's a story to illustrate how low she'd stoop.

I'm working on my next book,
The Cookwizardy of a Peculiar People.
It is a compilation of family recipes, stories, and photos.

I was taking pictures to identify some family heirlooms,
like my Great Great Grandfather's wallet from the Civil War era,

and this neat barometer from the Zurn estate.

I was photographing my dad's beer steins and military medals.

When I took down the large one in the center to inspect it,
I found a masking taped K to the bottom.
Kenyan claimed that one, even before the will has been read!!!

Two can play at that game,
so I put my initial on this,

a sword that my parents found in their cottage when they bought it.

But to be fair,
I thought this rather ugly ashtray
(heirloom or not--it is ugly),

should go to her someday.
I made sure there would be no mistake which daughter gets it.

The axe is mine, Kenyan.  You are going to have to accept that fact and try to run this Beast on your own abilities.  No worries.  Me and my battle axe will be bringing up the rear, as I am at every event.  I've been doing push ups and am stronger than I may look.  When you get stuck in the mud at mile 8, I'll be there to throw you over my shoulder fireman style and carry you up the hill to the finish.  Heck, that's what family is for.

Beauties, beware!  The video is for you.  If you come for my axe, my team will protect me.

Snugs and kisses,

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